It’s amazing to me how my past and present continue to collide with one another.
I’m going along living in my present and my past will creep around the corners of my mind and attempt to drag me back there.
No matter how hard I try to ignore the past it still has some sort of hold on me. It affects my attitude, my feelings and my day as if it were my present condition.
I think I know how Mr. Scrooge felt when you’re just trying to go about your business and the ghost of Christmas past says, “hey remember me, come look at this!”
I turn my back on it and it grabs me and spins me around until I am out of control.
So, how far do I need to run to get away? How much present can I get before my past has no say so or fades away?
I’m thinking if I had amnesia then I wouldn’t be able to remember any of it. If I couldn’t remember my past, my present would be so much better. I think over and over again that I just need to write my past that Dear John letter to let it know we’re breaking up. I don’t like you or want you around me anymore.
Or perhaps a nice big iron skillet! You know the one your grandmother used to cook with. I could have someone sneak up behind me and give my head a swift pounding. I bet that would do it. Although just my luck I would wake up with a headache and more memories resurfacing.
So I’m doomed to live out my present while remembering my past.
Perhaps my past isn’t all bad.
I do have an awesome testimony. I can speak on the deliverance power of God. I can walk stronger and taller than ever before.
Maybe that’s the point of it all. Maybe I keep getting those invasions of memories to remind me just how far I’ve come. I suppose instead of fighting against my past I can just embrace it and be thankful that I am no longer there.
My present is beautiful. My past is experience.
My present is remarkable. My past is deliverance.
I will never embrace my past but I will embrace what I’ve learned. I will embrace the scars that made me the person today. I will embrace the fact that although I may have a few bandages left to be removed, I will never allow my past to interfere with my today. I will learn from it but will never relinquish my joy, strength and happiness to it.
If you have something in your past that continues to haunt you, remember that you aren’t there anymore. God delivered you and now your past is simply a reminder of how awesome God really is.
