When you start day one, you have no idea you are counting; no idea that something is beginning.
I didn’t even notice a problem until around day twenty.
“This isn’t going away. Maybe I should call my doctor.”
“Maybe it’s more than what i see.”
One thousand three hundred ninety days later here we are:
Twelve pills at breakfast. Just a handful tossed back after I eat my Cheerios.
Two pills at dinner. Red pill box sits right next to my plate.
Two pills around 9 pm. These are my 2018 specialty
One pill at bedtime to help sleep. It may work tonight
Each pill meticulously chosen to help me survive.
Each pill to help reduce pain and keep my mind steady.
And of course I prescribe to myself my constant faith in God.
After three and a half years, my doctor and I are still working together to devise the perfect dose of physical activity, medication and meditation.
I’ve tried numerous medications. Have tons of bottles full of “those didn’t work” pills.
Now I have two medications that work great together.
I explained to my doctor that I just can’t afford both of them. Especially since neither has a generic. The good news is I have met my deductible for the year so my doctor and I have a few months for trial and error.
I’m slowly weaning off one and increasing the other. Will that work? Who knows? Fingers crossed! Right now my body seems to like both at the maximum since I’m feeling the best I have in a long time. It is a scary process to wean and/or switch medications. You have no idea how you will react physically or mentally. I’m still struggling to wean off one and had to push back the time frame. But in the back of my mind I’m yelling “You only have two months so you better just deal with it and figure it out.”
My story is not unique. I know there are tons out there struggling; more or less than I do, but it doesn’t matter. Regardless, we are not alone. If you are dealing with chronic pain, “you are not alone.”
At some point you will not be treated with compassion. You will not be treated as a human being. But I’m here to tell you, YOU ARE!
I’ve decided to chronicle my chronic pain for two reasons. One, I need to get my feelings out and two, I know i’m not alone and someone else may need to know that too.
My bruise is gone by my pain remains…
I’ll share again next week.