I’ve always heard that when a woman is going through something bad in her life she will take it out on her hair. Most times it starts with something drastic such as a big chop. This shows the emotional turmoil that is occurring in their life.
Now I know this doesn’t speak for all women but this is my story…
I have had short hair for quite a few years and loved it. However, over a year a go I was seriously drifting downward emotionally. My uncle Ron (who was like my father) passed away from cancer. My 3 sons were each enduring some sort of life change and their issues weighed heavy on me and became my issues. It was all too much for me to handle and I started falling into depression.
I have been getting my hair relaxed for as long as I could remember. But in September, 2014 I stopped. I felt as though I could no longer see myself in the mirror. The person I was in the mirror was someone I no longer recognized. Who was she and why had she became a stranger after all these years?
I convinced myself I just needed a change. I told my beautician I wanted to go natural. I bought all the natural hair care products. I bought all the headbands I could get from every Walmart and I was on my way to this great discovery. I followed the hair blogs and thought this is great, this is my focus now. I received so much support from those around me. How great this would be for me and my hair.
On the plus, I loved my hair chemical free. It felt healthy and was really red. However, after months and months and a dresser topped with hair care products, I still wasn’t better. My insides were still all torn apart and I still didn’t know the person I saw in the mirror. Why couldn’t I embrace this new change?
After months of prayer God opened doors for my sons and even for me. I rejoiced and thanked God for them. Then I thought NOW I will be better. Now all is right with the world. But for some reason I still didn’t know that woman I would see as I brushed my teeth in the morning. I was still broken. Life had beat me down, not just for so many years, but over this journey, no amount of products and headbands could dig me out.
When I had relaxed hair I compared myself to those beautiful women with perfect hair. When I had natural hair I did the exact same thing. Why can’t I be beautiful? I know it would solve all my problems. I know it would make me whole.
It has taken me a long time but I had to recognize that my issues, my depression had nothing to do with my hair. I absolutely applaud those who have such confidence in who they are and what they are doing in this world. Natural, relaxed and everything in between. But I also speak to those who are still struggling as I was and some days still are.
I share this with you because I believe I’m not alone. Here’s what I learned…Work on you. Not the outside you, not the hair on your head or what you see in the mirror. But work on the real you. What I’m learning is to keep my heart open and my mind clear and focused on what’s important to me and those around me. I need to speak life into myself. I need to know I’m beautiful inside and out. Period.
Life can be hard and difficult and stressful and baffling. But it’s also beautiful and wonderful and breathtaking and mind-blowing. Accept all of it, but most importantly accept your role in it. I have a bit more pep in my step. I even have a bit more confidence and I’m loving it.
God has a plan so don’t let a reflection take you off your path or prevent you from bringing your A game. God has ordered your steps. Keep your eyes on him and nothing will stand in your way. You’re blessed!
NMB! is built with tears, pain, loss, bruises and frustration but stands firm on the promises and foundation of Jesus Christ.
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